Why I was nervous

On this sweltering hot afternoon, Nick came up to have lunch with Tom and I. Somehow Jay and Jordan were there as well and we were altogether having lunch. This made me nervous. I wasn't sure what would happen with all of us being under the same roof as each other. I didn't know what or who was capable of doing something or something happening. Being that it was so hot out and there was nothing to do, I asked Jay if he wanted to go into the city with me. Not thinking what this would cause, Tom then said lets all of us go into New York together and have a good time. I had a very bad feeling when he suggested that. It was almost like he knew what was going on or if he knew that there  was something between Jay and I. All I know is that I didn't want him to know or find out but something told me he already knew. After I suggested that, he stared and grinned at Jay and I as if he knew something was up. I immediately got worried and started sweating, just to add to this awesome, hot, sweaty, sticky day. When we got to the hotel in the city, it all went down hill from there. Tom had to start confronting Jay about who he was and his whole life. Those two started getting into each other faces and making each other angry. I felt very uncomfortable and not safe. This eventually broke out into a fight and ended with everyone taking off in separate cars to race back to the house on the west egg side. I was nervous and afraid to see what was going to happen next with Tom, Jay, and I. 

What I was feeling at Gatsby's party

Nick always told me about Jay's legendary extravaganzas that he always has but I don't think I ever really understood how fabulous they are. I was so lucky to finally have gotten the chance to go to one of these parties. And to know that over all these years he had these parties in hopes that I would come and show up at one of them. I felt so special to finally be invited to one and know that they were always in my honor. When I first arrived that Saturday night at Jay's palace, I was overwhelmed with what I saw. There was so much to take in at once. There was so many people, a majority of them that Jay didn't even know but it was okay because I was there. There was so much alcohol and dancing and partying. It was just all too much but I loved it at the same time. I liked the fact that so many people showed up to a party and they never even used to see Jay at his own parties. I was having a great time but there was one thing in the back of my head the whole time bothering me, Tom. I forgot he came to the party with me along with other couples. I pretended he wasn't there so I could enjoy myself at the party, dancing with random people, but he kept staring at me and stalking me. He was worried about my every movement as if he knew something was up with Jay and I. I didn't want him to know anything, not even my thoughts. I just wanted to be there at the party with just Jay. That was all I wanted. 

Why I fell in love with Jay's mansion

Jay's house wasn't even really a house it was more like a mansion or castle. It was breathtakingly huge inside and out and decorated with extremely expensive furnishing everywhere. It was exactly how I imagined his house to be. It suites him perfectly. I was impressed by all of it and it made me fall even more in love with Jay. We went inside his home and he gave Nick and I a tour. There was so many things to offer at his house and I guess that's why he is so known for his parties. There was a swimming pool, butlers, ball room, expensive furniture, and many more intriguing things about his house. My especially favorite part of his whole house was his bedroom. It was so big with a huge closet. Above his bed was a wrap around shelf of all his dress shirts. He had so many of them in every color you could imagine. For some reason it made me very happy. Happy that I was happy with him and we were together again. Happy that he was happy with sharing his life again with me. I could see it in his eyes that he was so happy and excited to share with me his home and all he wanted was for me to be his again. He missed me and I honestly missed him more than anyone could ever know. I was jumping on his bed as he threw all his colorful shirts on me and I was having the time of my life. I couldn't stop laughing at all the shirts Jay had and him throwing them at me. And then all of the sudden I stopped laughing and jumping around and found myself crying. I was fell onto his bed and just cried. It was the wildest thing and I just didn't understand why.  

What I was thinking when having tea with Jay

At first when I saw Jay I felt all these different emotions and I was not realizing how happy and grateful it made me to be with Jay again. I missed everything about him. His smile, his charming personality, his great sense of humor, and his wealthiness. Everything about him made me feel so special and safe. I forgot what it was like to spend time with him and how often he makes me laugh. We carried on for hours catching up and talking about everything happening in our lives right now that we didn't even realize Nick had left. I guess he just left and went into town for a bit to give Jay and I some time to catch up and talk. While Jay brings me so much happiness and joy, I couldn't stop thinking the whole time about Tom. In those few hours with Jay, it was like I almost forgot I was married. I felt ashamed to admit that but spending time with Jay was like I had no other worries in the world and I forgot everything else. I felt a little bad enjoying myself so much with Jay and was worried that it would cause future problems with Tom and my life now. I knew that I was just getting ahead of myself too quickly and worrying like I do. So I stopped worrying and just enjoyed my time with Jay. After hours of catching up and talking with Jay, it finally stopped raining and Nick came home. I went over to the window to take in how beautiful it was outside with the sun shining. Then, Jay invited Nick and I over to his house to give us a tour and spend some time all of us together. I was so excited I couldn't wait to see what Jay's house was like and everything within it. I knew I would fall even more in love with him. 

What I was feeling when I saw Jay

I am so happy that Nick invited me over for tea today. I just wanted to get out of the house on this rainy day and spend time with my cousin. Of course, Tom was too busy to spend time with me anyways. I had my driver take me over to Nick's house on the west egg side right away. When I arrived at Nick's it was pouring outside but I could still tell how nicely put together his house was. His cute little house, the beautiful flowers, and everything was so perfect. Even his grass was cut so nicely. The rain didn't ruin any of it. When I got out of the car, my driver drove away and I told him to be back in give or take an hour. Right when I got out of the car, Nick came outside on the porch to let me in. He was so welcoming as always. I slowly walked into his petite little home and sat down in his living room. Everything was beautiful. There was tons of gorgeous, colorful flowers and plenty of tasteful finger food and of course, tea. I sat there waiting for Nick to come and join me and then in walks someone else. Someone who I imagined I never thought I would see again before I die. I couldn't believe who I saw. I thought I was dreaming or seeing a ghost. My stomach dropped when I realized all of it was so real. It was all really happening. There he stood, the past love of my life, Jay Gatsby. Right in that moment I couldn't tell exactly what I was feeling. I felt so many things and confused was one of them. I was confused on how Jay knew Nick and how he was at tea. I was sad because I forgot what it was like to be with Jay and I missed him. I was happy because I was taken by such surprise seeing Jay and I remembered the love we used to share. I was annoyed with Nick for just inviting me to tea and not telling me Jay Gatsby would be there. But most of all I felt enchanted like I felt I was going to fall in love again, but with the right person this time. 

Why I love Nick

I was so excited when I found out Nick was in town and wanted to have dinner with Tom and I. I haven't seen Nick for a very long time, not since we were growing up together. It was a splendid time having dinner with Nick, Tom, and my friend Jordan. I was so happy to catch up with Nick and see how his life is going right now. Everything was going so well, but then of course Tom got a phone call. He had to step away from the dinner table and so I followed him. He is always on the phone and I find it very annoying and bothersome. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't even spend time with me anymore and just worries about work and his money. That is why I enjoy Nick's company so much. He is the complete opposite of my husband. Nick is so down to earth and we have always been close with each other. After dinner Nick and my friend Jordan really hit it off. Before Nick left, Tom and I hinted at Nick that Jordan and him should try getting together. Later that night, when Jordan and Nick went home, I laid in my bed thinking about things. One thing that bothered me the most throughout my day was Tom and his suspicious phone call. Usually they are business phone calls but tonight this one was different and it worries me. I can't stop thinking about it. All I have in my head are negative thoughts and constant worrying. I just wish it would all go away so I can sleep. Finally, Tom came up to bed and I forced my eyes to shut and pretend I'm sleeping so that I wouldn't have to discuss my awful thoughts with Tom. Goodnight.